Review: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

The Cabin in the Woods (15)
Starring Kristen Connelly and Chris Hemsworth

3.5/5 Stars

Strap yourself in kids; you’re in for a real treat with this postmodern horror. Hailed as the next instalment to Wes Craven’s Scream and from the writer of the ass-kicking and stake-stabbing Buffy the Vampire Slayer to the  gritty and tense Cloverfield, Drew Goddard’s The Cabin in the Woods is a film with no limitations and strikes the perfect balance between the stereotypical and the surreal.

This looks familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it...
Image courtesy of Forbes

Five teenagers pack up their bags and take a road trip to a remote cabin in the woods to get drunk, snog a stuffed wolf and have a lot of sex.  Each character does not just resemble a stereotype of the classic horror film, but in true postmodern fashion is a cardboard copy of each high-school trait; the jock, the geek, the stoner, the whore and the virgin. But of course, things take a different turn and they end up fighting for survival against a family of red-neck cannibal zombies – strikingly familiar to Rob Schmidt’s Wrong Turn.

Within the opening scenes we are privy to the secrets of a Big Brother-esque organisation that has carefully chosen their five victims and, in a cruel and sadistic fashion, are the masters of their puppets in a world parallel to The Truman Show or Being John Malkovich. They string their victims along and take them down into a torture chamber filled with many intriguing items and, unbeknownst to the teenagers, must choose their own death. But as the saying goes, each dog has its day and you can be sure each master will bite off more than they can chew – not just the zombies.

Is she re-enacting Drag Me to Hell or The Grudge?
Image courtesy of The Guardian

For all you gornography fans, there is an abundance of hack and slash deaths as well as a couple of playful scenes that spout geysers of fake blood. And if you really want to have a giggle, you can even see the virgin getting tossed right, left and centre by a Jason look-a-like zombie. It really is all fun and games.

Essentially, The Cabin in the Woods boils down to a choose-your-own-adventure Goosebumps story and presents us with a fantastic concept, but sadly falls down at the last blood-spattered hurdle, giving us a bland and poorly executed finale.